The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
