my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
