how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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