Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
