Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
