we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
