sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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