On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
