shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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