I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
