my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he fucked my hip out of place.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
