Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i will never coherently bang her
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
