Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
