I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
