We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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