Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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