Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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