me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
