I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
