thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
