apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
