i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
