You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
