And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
