She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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