You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
