Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
...so i touched it.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
