He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
