I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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