This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
