Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
