i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
