I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
