all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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