So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
