I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
