Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
