Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
