Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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