just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
