The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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