All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
