The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
