I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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