So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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