So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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