One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
