roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
