I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
