Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
