so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
