like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
