respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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