Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I wish you could order shots online.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
